Year One, Part One.
I was the tender age of 12 when I smoked my first joint. Months previous, I had no clue what drugs were. I loved the feeling I got, it felt great to fit in. I had never had that many friends nor had I had much luck with getting boyfriends. That’s when I met my “friends”, they knew so many interesting people and they all seemed to be interested in me. ME! WOW! That was so cool. I’d skip school everyday and get high, drink and laugh all day long. Soon those “friends were introducing me to their friends from out of town. I thought that was great, they thought I was cute too. I spent my free time with these people and had even told my parents that they were helping me with my homework and that I was grasping alot more in school thanks to them. If only they had known the truth, they would have stepped in and said something…done something!
A few months down the road and many drugs later, “Z” asked me out. How could I not say yes? He was handsome, like a greek god and so tall for his age. Someone my age who listened to all the kinds of music I listened to, he was caring, sweet, gentle, nowhere near the tough guy I thought he was when we first met. Things went great. He was my first everything. He even gave me roses. I soon turned 13 and he was there the following weekend to celebrate with me. He made me feel so nice, so loved, so pretty. He showed me ways of being loved that I had never experienced before. After that weekend, I felt so different around my school friends and I think they noticed it too. After the new year, Z began to change. He wasn’t so nice anymore when I called and he only came to the area once a month. I started blowing off my friends to spend as much time as possible whereever I had to go so I could be close to him or his friends. In the spring, he started telling me that I needed to give more of myself to him or he’d break up with me. I wanted to keep this hunk, he was the best looking guy around, he treated me so nice before, if I gave him more, he’d love me again. That’s when I lost my virginity and that’s when I lost part of my soul. The way he treated me after that was horrible, he’d call me names, point out my “many” flaws and push me around in front of his friends. It came to be something I would get used to as he brainwashed me into believing that this is how all relationships work. He even went so far as to make me do sexual things to him while he was playing video games and his friends watched. How humiliating and degrading. He would call me names when he had sex with me and tell me how horrible I was, telling me he’d rather be with someone half decent looking than me, the disgusting pig that I was. I soon became numb. How can I react and get mad at someone who loved me so much? He doesn’t mean everything that he said, he’ll just say those things to…..well that’s where I can’t come up with an excuse why.
